It's the first day of school and Sabrina is preparing breakfast for her and her roommates, but is having a little trouble not burning the waffles.
SABRINA
Yes! Evil waffle iron, you have finally met you match.
She flips the waffles onto the plate with the rest.
SABRINA
Your reign of tyranny is finally...
But the underneath of the waffle is just as burnt as the rest.
SABRINA
Well the joke's on you because that’s the way I like them. Breakfast is ready! Miles! Morgan! Roxie! Breakfast!
She takes the food to the table.
SABRINA
Come on people! (she rings a bell) Free food!
But still, no one comes.
SABRINA
Fine, have it your way.
She zaps a rooster onto the table and it starts crowing. She zaps it away as Roxie walks out.
ROXIE
I heard crowing!
MORGAN
Is my mother here?
MILES
The Feds! Illegal search and seizure! Quick, help me hide this film!
SABRINA
Sorry. Sorry, it was just me practising my barn yard calls. Suuuo-weee! Look, I made us a ‘first day of college, life doesn’t get any better than this’ breakfast.
ROXIE
Look, Old MacDonald, I worked very hard to make sure my first class isn’t until three. Good-day and good-night. (walks off)
SABRINA
Oh that’s funny because I totally had you pegged as a morning person.
Roxie slams the door shut as she walks into her room. Miles is at the table pouring some cereal into his bowl.
SABRINA
Miles, what are you doing? I made us waffles and bacon and eggs.
MILES
Do you have any idea where bacon and eggs come from?
SABRINA
Pigs and chicken butts?
MILES
The government subsidised farms. They’re fed chemicals and hormones, it’s not natural! (pours milk in) I’m sorry Sabrina, but my body is my temple.
SABRINA
So you’re filling it with sacred ‘Sugar Bombs’?
MILES
But they turn the milk purple. (walks off)
Morgan, however, has made herself some scrambled eggs on the burnt waffles.
MORGAN
(pouring syrup) Don’t let them bother you Sabrina. You’re enthusiasm for college is exactly what we need around here.
SABRINA
Thank you Morgan. At least someone appreciates me.
Gathering up her plate and the utensils she will need to consume it, she heads away upstairs.
MORGAN
Put me down for French-toast tomorrow.
SABRINA
Put me down for ‘Yeah right!’
Now that Morgan is gone, Sabrina zaps the rooster back.
SABRINA
Well Foghorn, I guess it’s just you and me.
***
OPENING CREDITS
***
HILDA
You know, as sad as I am about Sabrina being off at college, I love having time to fill my life with new meaning. What do you think about acrylics?
SALEM
Oh I like ‘em… but I’m prone to fungus. Hey-hey-hey! Watch the dew-claw!
HILDA
Too bad Zelda’s not coping like I am. For her the world begins, middles and ends with Sabrina.
SALEM
Sabrina? Where’ve I heard that name? Ah yes, Audrey Hepburn, wonderful film.
HILDA
Knowing Zelda, she’ll be moping around here for weeks.
ZELDA(walking in)
I got it! I got it! You are looking at a new associate professor of quantum physics!
SALEM
Yeah, she’s a wreck all right.
HILDA
Where are you gonna be teaching?
ZELDA
Adams College.
HILDA
Adams College? Now why does that sound familiar? Oh I know, that’s Sabrina’s college! How pathetic is that?
ZELDA
I know it looks like I took this job to be near Sabrina but I’ve always dreamed of being a teacher. I’m moving on with my life Hilda, and so should you.
HILDA
Already way ahead of you.
ZELDA
Really? So tell me, how do you plan to spend your time now that the clock shops gone under?
HILDA
Oh, please, there aren’t enough hours in the day. I’m more productive now than I’ve ever been. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to draw Salem a bath.
SALEM
Ghe? Are you insane woman? My nails aren’t dry.
***
Sabrina is walking along the exterior campus of Adams, with Morgan.
SABRINA
I can’t believe I’m actually here. Sabrina Spellman, college student, co-ed, independent woman of the world. I feel a celebratory ‘Whoo-hoo’ coming on. Whoo-Hoo!
MORGAN
Sabrina, you are a very lucky freshman. You have at your disposal this schools most knowledgeable tour guide.
SABRINA
Well until she shows up, why don’t you give me the tour? Um, do you know where the psychology building is?
MORGAN
No idea.
SABRINA
What about history?
MORGAN
Oh, got me again.
SABRINA
Do you know where anything is on this campus?
MORGAN
I know that the men's swim-team has lunch on the quad every afternoon, but you have got to get there early ‘cause the good seats fill up fast.
With a bright smile and a toss of her red hair she strolls off.
SABRINA
(To herself) I don’t know where my classes are but I know where I’ll eat lunch.
***
Sabrina is walking through the corridor and spots her aunt Zelda talking to a group of professors.
PROFESSOR
I can’t tell you how excited we are to have you on the faculty professor.
ZELDA
Yet that’s what you’ve been doing for the last twenty minutes.
SABRINA
Aunt Zelda?
ZELDA
Oh, Sabrina! (To the lecturers) Will you excuse me gentlemen?
They leave, a little reluctantly.
ZELDA
Hi.
SABRINA
Sorry to interrupt your little singles mixer but, er, what’s going on here?
ZELDA
Men? You can take the Nobel Laureate out of the boy but you can’t take the boy…
SABRINA
(cutting Zelda off) No, I mean what are you doing here? And please tell me ‘Professor’ is just an exotic nick-name you’re trying out.
ZELDA
Sabrina, I know how this must look.
SABRINA
Like exactly what it is. I’m supposed to be embarking on a journey of independent self-discovery, but there’s no ‘Aunt’ in ‘independent’ There’s an ‘ent’ but that’s another story.
ZELDA
Honestly honey, my new job has nothing to do with you.
SABRINA
Yeah, right! Here I am trying to go to college like a regular mortal but my Other Realm aunt doesn’t think that I can handle it alone. Well I got news for you, I can and I will.
ZELDA
Sabrina…!
SABRINA
And while we’re at school, we don’t know each other. Is that clear aunt Zelda?
ZELDA
Very clear!
The two of them turn in their opposite ways, but Zelda turns back.
ZELDA
And it’s Professor Spellman to you.
SABRINA
Good, and it’s… Sabrina to you. (sudden change of mood) Hey, and congratulations on the new job.
ZELDA
Thanks, I’m really excited.
They each turn away again, frowning at each other.
***
Sabrina walks into the coffeehouse, and joins Roxie who is sitting by herself at a table.
SABRINA
I’ve gotta get one of those book-bags with wheels.
She places her bag underneath her chair.
SABRINA
Or maybe a pack mule.
ROXIE
What’s wrong, Perky? First day of Sabrina’s wonderful life hitting a brick wall?
SABRINA
No, not at all, it’s very wonderful. I’ve only been at college for three hours and already I get to read four chapters of Plato, write a ten page essay and catch a small anthropoid to dissect. Maybe I ought to rethink my definition of the word ‘wonderful'.
Josh walks over to their table.
JOSH
Hey college girl, how was the big first day?
SABRINA
Bigger than I expected...(turns to Roxie)...but still wonderful. Josh, this is my room-mate, Roxie.
JOSH
Hey Roxie, great name. You know we had this girl at school named
Roxie, I used to call her Foxy Roxie.
ROXIE
(sarcastic) And today you’re wiping tables for a living, I’m shocked.
JOSH
Nice to meet you too.
SABRINA
Don’t mind her, she’s always a little cranky before...she’s just cranky.
JOSH
(hands Sabrina a flyer) Sabrina, Emerson’s having a huge kick-off party tonight.
SABRINA
They have parties on Monday night?
JOSH
This is college, they have parties every night. I could leave your names at the door?
ROXIE
(again, sarcastic) Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! A college party! I’m so excited! Whatever will I wear?!
Screaming, she runs out with the flyer.
SABRINA
I...I think she was being sarcastic.
JOSH
Yeah, I got that. Anyway, you’ll be there right?
SABRINA
I can’t, I’ve got tones of work to do and I’m falling further behind as
we speak.
JOSH
Oh, so what? There’s always something due, you just have to learn how to juggle your priorities.
***
Sabrina is sitting at her table in hers and Roxie's room, reading a book, while Roxie, on the other side, is working on her laptop with heavy metal music loudly playing in the background.
SABRINA
Hey Rox! Can you do something with that music?
ROXIE
Oh sure. (turns the music up)
SABRINA
Actually, by ‘do something’, I meant turn it off.
Roxie turns the music off and approaches Sabrina.
ROXIE
And again we’re at an impasse. Why are you always looking to pick a fight?
SABRINA
I’m not fighting, I just can’t study with the music on, that’s all.
ROXIE
And I can’t study with it off.
SABRINA
So what are we gonna do?
ROXIE
Well since you woke me up with some five course breakfast, I think you owe me.
SABRINA
Well I’m glad I didn’t make you lunch, I’d be in your dept forever.
Sabrina bundles up her books and exits the room, Roxie giving a grin as she switches the music on again.
***
Sabrina joins Miles on the couch, who is reading a book.
SABRINA
Hey, you’re slogging through Plato’s dialogues too? Have you any idea what the first one is about?
MILES
I’m not sure, but if you take the first word of each paragraph it makes the sentence. Mine enemy goeth in green shoes.
SABRINA
Maybe we should just read quietly to ourselves.
***
Salem is lying on the table in Hilda and Zelda's kitchen, as Hilda brings over a plate of food for him she has just finished preparing.
HILDA
For your gastrointestinal pleasure, another delicious Hilda Spellman original recipe. Guess what’s in it?
SALEM
I don’t care. (triumphant burp) Yomp-yom-mmph-yum!
Hilda watches with pleasure as Salem digs into the food in front of him.
HILDA
That’s what I like about you Salem, you’re a culinary adventurer.
SALEM
So much nicer than big fat pig. Yom-mmph-yump!
ZELDA
(entering) What an invigorating day. Filling eager young minds with knowledge, challenging debates and meeting the whole gang down at TGI Friday’s for margaritas and crazy-fries. Oh, I feel so alive!
SALEM
Hildie, make the big, scary lady go away.
HILDA
Zelda, would you mind taking your affected self-absorption for a walk?
ZELDA
Hilda, what on earth are you doing? Don’t tell me you spent your
entire day doting on this cat?
HILDA
I haven’t been doting, I simply gave him a few beauty treatments, read to him, cooked for him and put on a delightfully amusing puppet show.
ZELDA
Hilda dear, sometimes when a person experiences a loss, say, a loved on goes away to college, they project their feelings onto someone else, say, a worthless cat.
SALEM
Meanie!
ZELDA
They do this as a way of sublimating anxiety. Do you understand what I’m saying?
HILDA
Your mouth moves, sound comes out and yet...nothing.
***
Sabrina is now alone on the couch, reading Plato.
SABRINA
OK, I’ve gone through ‘Understanding Plato’ and ‘Understanding, Understanding Plato’, now what I need is ‘Plato for Dummies’ Or better yet, Plato.
She zaps her finger and Plato himself appears in front of her.
SABRINA
Look Plato, I know you’re the foundation of western thought and stuff, but you seem to be talking in circles. Could you help me out here? (passes him the book)
PLATO
(reading) Oh, that! Now that, I, I wrote this to impress someone I was seeing. We met at the Olympics. A vestal virgin, yeah right! Do you have any nectar?
SABRINA
Greeks? Good souvlaki, bad explanations.
PLATO
Oh, you want an explanation? It’s all about reason. You’ve got the power of reason and a couple of drachma in your toga, you’re sitting pretty.
SABRINA
Oddly enough, that helps. Thanks, Plato.
***
A little while later Sabrina is sitting at the table working away on her laptop.
SABRINA
OK, I’m done with Plato. Next up, my ten page essay on the Franco-Prussian war.
Morgan comes down.
MORGAN
I was just going to throw these away, the syrup is hard as a rock, but then I thought they might hold some kitchy sentimental value for you.
SABRINA
Do I look like I have time for dishes right now? I’m overwhelmed with work and it’s only my first day!
MORGAN
Relax, every freshman goes through this. It’s just the college’s way of getting rid of the weak, culling the heard. (spots out the flyer that Josh gave her earlier) Whoa! You got invited to the Emerson party?
SABRINA
Yeah, but I can’t go.
MORGAN
The guy I cheat off in ethics class has a brother who goes to Emerson.
SABRINA
My friend put me and Roxie on the guest list but I’ve got too much studying to do.
MORGAN
Sabrina, as your resident advisor, I must tell you that Adams College values life experience as much as it does academics. I mean the last thing that you wanna' do is neglect the social arena.
SABRINA
I’ve got a lot of work to get done but I don’t want the college to get mad at me for not partying enough.
MORGAN
The key here is balance. Now it’s nine o’clock, why don’t you go for an hour? In fact, why don’t I go with you and then you’ll come back fresh, rejuvenated and ready to attack the academics.
SABRINA
You don’t think that’ll be too distracting?
MORGAN
Sabrina, it’s my job to advise you. Would I steer you wrong?
SABRINA
Well as we college types like to say: Party!
SABRINA / MORGAN
Party! Party!
They run off to their rooms to get ready.
***
Sabrina and Morgan need to raise their voices to be heard over all the noise that is going on at the Emerson party.
SABRINA
I can’t believe I almost missed this!
MORGAN
I know, if you miss the Monday party, there is nothing to talk about at the Tuesday party.
SABRINA
And then by Wednesday you’ll never catch up.
JOSH
(calling as he approaches) Sabrina!
SABRINA
Hey, finally. (she and Josh hug) I didn’t think you were gonna make it.
JOSH
Yeah, I had to do some studying before I could cut loose.
SABRINA
Oh I’m going with party first, study later.
JOSH
Wow, you’re an animal! It’s nearly two thirty.
SABRINA
Well, you know me...two thirty? I’ve got a paper due in six hours.
Gotta go!
JOSH
(pulling her back) Whoa-whoa, I just got here!
MORGAN
Sabrina, you can’t leave until you introduce me to your friend.
SABRINA
Morgan, Josh. Josh, Morgan. Everybody happy?
JOSH
(looks at Morgan) Yeah.
MORGAN
(returning a look at Josh) Very.
Sabrina turns and runs for the door.
SABRINA
Walking freshman coming through!
***
Sabrina runs into the table at the college house, plonks her jacket against the back of the chair and sits in front of her laptop.
SABRINA
OK, I can do this. Just type up this bad boy and we’re in business.
Her fingertips slowly press against the keys...
SABRINA
No problem. Morgan was right, I do feel refreshed, rejuvenated and ready to attack...
But she's wrong – because she falls asleep and rests her head on the keyboard, her finger stuck on the letter Z.
***
The following morning, Miles is leaning over Sabrina with his breakfast cereal.
MILES
Sabrina. (a snore from Sabrina; he leans to her ear) Sabrina!
Sabrina suddenly awakens.
SABRINA
What’s going on? Have I finished?
MILES
I didn’t wanna wake you but drool tends to short out your keyboard.
SABRINA
No, I’m glad you did. I have a paper due in...(glances down at her watch)... thirty minutes and...(looking at her laptop)...all I’ve done is type my name? Sardina Smellman?
MILES
It’s gettin’ there. (walks to his room)
SABRINA
Focus. OK, you can do this...no I can’t!
Sabrina is tempted to zap a paper to her screen...but stops herself just in time.
SABRINA
Oh, I can’t zap a paper, that would be cheating, but maybe I could use a magical pick-me-up?
She zaps herself away in an array of sparks.
***
Sabrina appears in her old room at Zelda and Hilda's house, and starts flipping through her magic book.
SABRINA
Faster. Speedy. Quick.
Salem is lying on the bed, an obese wreck.
SALEM
Glad you're here. I need you to role me over, I don’t wanna' get bed sores.
SABRINA
Salem, what happened to you?
SALEM
The good life, la dolce vita baby!
SABRINA
Well apparently the good life doesn’t come in a low fat version.
SALEM
I think I carry it well.
SABRINA
I don’t think you could carry it out of this room. (turns back to her book) Okay, here’s something about a ‘double time’ spell. It helps you get your work done twice as fast.
SALEM
Speaking of fast, I ordered tri-tiff fifteen minutes ago. (shouting) Hilda!
SABRINA
Shhh! Be quiet! I don’t want them to think I can’t handle college because I can. It’s just the social and the academic part I’m having trouble with.
***
Outside on the front porch of the college house, Sabrina magically appears in an array of sparks.
SABRINA
OK, here goes. ‘Step lively, step quick. Make me move lickety-split’
As she zaps on herself, her shoes start smoking.
SABRINA
Gentlemen, start your engines.
She disappears into the house in a blur, and sits down at her computer – and quicker than your eyes could see, she types up her essay!
SABRINA
Save and print!
Sabrina's blur goes into the bathroom, a few seconds later coming out with a towel wrapped around her. She goes into hers and Roxie's room, coming out in a new outfit. But by time she comes out, only one page has been printed.
SABRINA
I could chisel this thing faster, come on!
To use some time, Sabrina's blur makes herself some breakfast, eats it, and reads a book before turning back to the printer.
SABRINA
Excellent. I still have…(looks down at her watch)...twenty seconds to get to class.
***
In the corridors at Adam's, Zelda is walking along talking with an associate.
ZELDA
Of course professor Flannigan, I’d love to discuss your theories, but I just don’t think the Travelodge is an appropriate environment.
Sabrina's blur races past them, knocking Zelda's papers from her hands.
ZELDA
That blur looked strangely familiar.
***
At the coffeehouse, Josh is behind the counter serving Hilda, handing her a bag of beans.
JOSH
All right, half a pound of hand picked, organic, pot-roasted Peruvian.
HILDA
You’re a lifesaver Josh. I’ve looked all over town for these.
JOSH
Yeah well, we’re the only ones. Unfortunately most people aren’t that picky about what they drink.
HILDA
Well Salem is not most people.
JOSH
Isn’t Salem your cat?
HILDA
Your point being?
JOSH
No, I...I just think it’s a little weird to buy gourmet coffee for a cat.
HILDA
Any weirder than a full grown man in a little red apron grinding roasted seeds so strangers can catch a buzz? Don’t judge me Bean Boy!
As she walks off, Sabrina's blur races by her and the wind impact ruffles her hair up.
HILDA
That blur looked strangely familiar.
Hilda moves on and exits. Sabrina appears in front of Josh.
JOSH
Whoa! Sabrina, you startled me. I didn’t see you come in.
SABRINA
What do you want me to do?
JOSH
Oh, I hate to ask, but the bathrooms could use a good once over.
Briefly, he looks at the filter he is changing.
JOSH
Anyway, what did you think of that party last night? I thought it was by far the most amazing party we’ve ever...
But Sabrina is...
SABRINA
Done!
He looks round as she puts down the bucket, scrubbing brush and marigolds.
JOSH
Also amazing. Whoa, I must just have zoned out there for a minute. I’m going on my break, can you cover for me?
Rubbing his eyes, he skips the line up of customers and goes for the lounge, only to find Sabrina standing in front of him.
SABRINA
Anything else?
JOSH
Sabrina, there are a dozen people here waiting for...
He looks over and finds that the customers are moving away with their beverages.
SABRINA
And I had a little down time so I polished the espresso machine.
JOSH
Well I guess if you want to cut-out early then...
He turns back and finds that Sabrina has already gone.
JOSH
Oh man, what I’d give to be eighteen again.
***
Hilda walks into the living room at her house with the coffee beans to find Salem lazily perched on the couch.
HILDA
Sorry I’m late, it took forever to find the beans and bad news, the video store was out of ‘Spaceballs’
SALEM
Quit yammerin’, start cookin’ and get some quilts on the double wide litter-box.
ZELDA
(entering; angrily) All right, this has gone far enough!
HILDA
Sorry Zellie, I can’t talk right now, I don’t want Salem to get mad.
ZELDA
You don’t want to make Salem mad?
SALEM
If you don’t leave immediately, I’ll be forced to sit on you.
ZELDA
What you need is a healthy dose of reality.
Zelda zaps a tin onto the coffee table with the word REALITY marked on the side. She reaches in and grabs out a handful of dust and throws it at her sister.
HILDA
What did you do that for? (licks her lips) Mmm, lemony.
ZELDA
I had to make you realise that you have displaced your emotions for
Sabrina onto Salem and that he’s taking horrible horrible advantage of you.
HILDA
You’re right! What’s become of me? I don’t even like being in the same room as him. Today I flossed his bicuspids.
ZELDA
You just have to find something to fill the void left by Sabrina. Something that you’re passionate about...that’s legal in the state of
Massachusetts.
***
Sabrina's blur appears in the college house, and stops.
SABRINA
‘Step easy, step slow. Make me stop this go-go-go’ (resumes normal speed) Great spell but...(looking at the hole in her shoe) Tough on the high-tops.
A grunt is heard from the window in the kitchen.
SALEM
Oh, god! Humph! A little help for a bloated feline?
SABRINA
Okay, I had the most amazing day. I partied till two AM, still managed to finish my paper, do all my reading for the week, work, go to the gym. Hint-hint. I think I’ve found the perfect spell.
SALEM
What’s with Slow and Mo?
Sabrina turns and finds that Roxie and Miles are coming out of their rooms at an incredibly slow place. She walks over to them.
SABRINA
Miles? Miles, what’s wrong with you?
MILES (slowly)
Good morning...
ROXIE (slowly)
I'm late for class.
SABRINA
You haven’t been to class yet? Roxie, you’re just goofing around, right?
Even more slowly than they speak, Roxie puts on her jacket and Miles puts his bag around his shoulders.
SALEM
You didn’t do that ‘Double time’ spell did ya?
SABRINA
Of course I did. You were splayed out over the bed when I did it.
SALEM
Sabrina, where do you think the extra time comes from? You sucked it right out of them.
SABRINA
Why couldn’t I have sucked out something useless like...a spleen or twenty pounds of cat fat?
SALEM
Ghe?
SABRINA
I’ve got to try and get them back to normal.
But no sparks emerge from her finger when tries to zap them.
SABRINA
It’s not working! Oh-no, if they don’t get to class then they’ll be on academic probation and it’s all my fault!
Morgan enters from the front door.
SABRINA
Morgan, argh...I can explain.
MORGAN
(oblivious to Roxie and Miles) If you can explain that top with those pants, you’re a better woman than I am. (goes upstairs)
SABRINA
(to Salem) Stupid-stupid spell. I’ve got to find a way to speed them up.
Sabrina tries a number of things to try to get the two to speed up but none of them seem to work. Sabrina turns to Salem.
SABRINA
I am officially out of ideas.
SALEM
I got one. Call your aunt Zelda and have her get you out of this mess.
SABRINA
I can’t, I told her I didn’t need her help. I told her I could handle everything on my own.
SALEM
To quote the great philosopher, René Descart, “Liar Liar, pants on fire”
***
Zelda is running a physics class at Adam's, at the front blackboard she stands.
ZELDA
So if we take ‘A’ to be the atomic mass...
STUDENT
What if ‘A’ is unknown?
As Zelda turns back to the blackboard she can't help but notice a flying piece of chalk writing "AUNT ZELDA HELP". She quickly erases it before any of the students can see.
ZELDA
Oh really, so now you want my help.
STUDENT
That’s kinda what I look for in a teacher.
The chalk writes "PLEASE" on the board.
ZELDA
I thought you could handle everything on your own?
STUDENT
I admit I have a cocky side, but I never said I knew everything.
The chalk writes a final message on the board: SORRY.
ZELDA
All right, apology accepted.
STUDENT
Thanks, I’ll be more careful next time.
***
In the kitchen at the college house, Aunt Zelda is stirring a pot on the stove.
ZELDA
I think I put too much supersonic-tonic in that last batch.
Hilda and Sabrina just manage to restrain Roxie and Miles, whose feet are now moving so rapidly they are a blue.
ZELDA
A few drops of ‘Where’s the fire’ should bring them back to normal.
SABRINA
Quick, I think they’re carving a rut in my floor.
Zelda gives each of them a sip of the mixture, but it just makes them slow again.
HILDA
(picking up her coffee from the counter) Don’t you have anything between Road Runner and Yurdle the turtle?
ZELDA
Time spells can be very complicated, they require very precise measurements. This could take days.
SABRINA
I don’t have days. By then they’ll be...right where they are now.
HILDA
(to Zelda) Oh for crying out loud, why must you always make such a production out of everything? A small sip of espresso...(gives them a sip)...and a magical thump to the heart...(does so)...usually does the trick.
And she's right – Roxie and Miles come back to normal speed.
ROXIE
What’s going on? How did I get out here?
MILES
Who are you people? This better not involve a probing.
SABRINA
I can explain everything? (to Hilda and Zelda) Which do you like better, overslept or alarm clock didn’t go off?
HILDA
Hmm, both classics.
ZELDA
Can’t go wrong either way.
Sabrina zaps her magic finger at Miles and Roxie and they both disappear into thin air.
ROXIE (V/O from bedroom)
Oh my god! I overslept!
MILES (V/O from bedroom)
Aaargh! My alarm clock didn’t go off!
SABRINA
I thought I’d split the difference.
HILDA
Nice touch.
SABRINA
Yeah.
Roxie and Miles come speeding from their room, fighting for the bathroom first.
MILES
Out of my way, I’ve got a paper to turn in!
ROXIE
Wait your turn, alien-breath! I just slept away my future!
However – Miles wins, and Roxie resides back to her room angrily.
SABRINA
Maybe I could use a little magic to help them with their late assignments. (goes to zap but Zelda stops)
ZELDA
No need, I’m sure I can work some of my own magic on their professors...and I won't have to point.
SABRINA
Thank you guys for helping them out...and for getting me out of this mess...and for not gloating...much.
HILDA
Well you’ve only been in college for two days. It takes a while to learn how to balance your time.
ZELDA
She speaks from experience, and I have to admit, it’s nice to know you haven’t outgrown your aunties.
SABRINA
Well at first I was a little annoyed when you got the job at the university but now I’m glad you’ll be so close by.
ZELDA
Oh, you really mean that?
SABRINA
Yeah.
HILDA
Well then you’re going to be doubly glad.
SABRINA
Why, you didn’t get a job here too did you? Seeing you both at school might force me to join the army.
HILDA
No, I didn’t get a job at school. (Sabrina relaxes) I bought the coffee house. I’ll see you at work.
Hilda and Zelda get up and exit, leaving Sabrina surprised and annoyed.
SABRINA
Maybe I should join the navy? I do look better in blue.
***
Sabrina is lying on her bed, Roxie is at her bed with headphones on. Sabrina closes her laptop and checks her watch.
SABRINA
Nine twenty-eight, all studied up and lots of places to go.
Sabrina goes over to Roxie's bed and takes off her headphones.
SABRINA
Hey, guess what? I finished all my work, I understood at least half of it and now I’m free to party with you. Whoo-hoo!
ROXIE
Great, put up some streamers, pull up a chair and watch me do logarithms. The first twenty should take us to the wee hours of the morning. Wo-ho!
SABRINA
Just so you’re clear, It’s ‘Whoo-hoo’ Whoo-hoo!
ROXIE
Have fun at your party.
SABRINA
Oh, I wasn’t invited to a party. I was just trying to find something fun to do and hey, what’s more fun than logarithms?
ROXIE
(laughs) You’re a wild one Spellman.
SABRINA
La dolce vita baby.
***
END CREDITS
***
Based on characters appearing in ARCHIE COMICS
Episode originally written by Dan Berendsen
