At Hilda and Zelda's house on the upstairs landing. Salem is perched on the linen basket as Zelda comes over and drops her suitcase on the ground.
ZELDA
OK, how do I look?
SALEM
Like a vision, an angel descended from heaven. In short...me-ow!
ZELDA
Whatever it is you want...no.
SALEM
I want nothing but to wish you well on your Other Realm egg-head retreat.
ZELDA (putting on her jacket)
You just wanna' get rid of me so you can have one of your wild bachelor weekends. Of all the times for Hilda to be picking coffee beans in Honduras.
SALEM
You don’t have to worry about me partying. I’ll be having a quiet weekend curled up with ‘Memoirs of a Geisha’
ZELDA
I appreciate that. The last thing I wanna' do is stress out about you while I’m at Genius Polusa.
SALEM
Now hurry up and get out of here so I can start missing you.
The doorbell from the Other Realm portal goes off.
ZELDA
Who could that be?
SALEM
I...I'm not expecting anyone...(mumbling)...so soon.
The door is opened by Zelda and a caterer holding a piñata is revealed to be on the other side.
CATERER
Mr. Saberhagen? I’ve got your order here for fifty folding chairs, a deluxe meter bar, three gallons of guacamole and one piñata. You must be having one heck of a party.
SALEM
Fiesta!
ZELDA
Fiesta’s over gato stupido.
SALEM
Can’t I at least keep the piñata?
ZELDA
You ARE the piñata
She zaps Salem and he is turned into a piñata, attached to the seeling. A donkey...with the head of a cat.
SALEM (V/O)
Help! A stomach full of candy? Oh Henry, show me the nougat!
***
OPENING CREDITS
***
Sabrina is in philosophy class with the other students sitting in on a lecture. Miles, her roommate, is present.
PROFESSOR BURKE
And that brings us to the very crux of existentialism. Now can anyone prove to me...(brings out a wooden chair)...that this chair exists? (Sabrina raises her hand) Miss Spellman?
SABRINA
Well according to Descarte, the fact that I perceive the chair and the fact that I perceive myself, based on the fact that you perceive me...
PROFESSOR BURKE (interrupting)
Anyone else? (Miles raises his hand) Mr. Goodman, prove to me to me that this chair exists?
MILES
What chair?
PROFESSOR BURKE
Brilliant! Class, take note of Mr. Goodman’s unconventional perspective on the, so called, obvious. Dismissed.
The class all get their books up and leave. Miles walks by Sabrina.
MILES
Great, now the other kids are gonna beat me up.
SABRINA
Miles, this isn’t grade school.
MILES
Grade school? Try ‘K’ through twelve.
Miles and Sabrina walk out of the classroom and walk pass a boy and a girl from their class.
JASON
Hey, Goodman!
MILES (to Sabrina)
I think I can take the girl.
SABRINA
I’ve got your back.
JASON
Great job in philosophy. ‘What chair?’ Brilliant.
MILES
Well, thanks. I wonder if it’ll work with ‘What homework?’
SABRINA
You know, technically, there really was a chair in there. It was brown and you could see it. Forget it.
HEATHER
We just wanted to say that we were blown away by your intellect and your whole take on life. You seem like the kind of guy who’s open to new ideas.
SABRINA
Definitely. You should see the bizarre electronic equipment he has in his room and he claims he can communicate with...(Miles nudges her)...no one.
HEATHER
Jason and I just joined a group you might be interested in.
JASON
It’s dedicated to the exploration of alternate realities and the search for truth in the universe.
SABRINA
Wow, it sound like it’s right up your alley.
HEATHER
Well we have open meetings every Friday night and we’d love it if you came by? (gives Miles a card)
MILES
No thanks, I’m not much of a socia...
SABRINA (cutting Miles off)
He’ll be there.
HEATHER
Great! Bye. (she and Jason walk off)
MILES (he and Sabrina go their own way)
Since when are you my mother? I’m not going to that group and I’m not calling you and dad when I get there.
SABRINA
You know, you never go out. Do you have any social life at all?
MILES
This is it! I’m making eye contact and everything.
SABRINA
You’re always talking about alternate realities and junk like that. It puts most people to sleep, but those two think you’re a god.
MILES
In case you haven’t noticed, I don’t feel real comfortable around large groups of people.
SABRINA
Well, what do you consider a large group?
MILES
Anyone more than me.
***
Salem is sitting alone on the couch watching TV when the doorbell rings.
SALEM (shouting)
Come on in! The money's on the coffee table.
Kenji, the delivery man for the Chinese take away restaurant, enters.
KENJI
Hello? Kenton Gardens! (looks around) I’m stealing all your furniture! (goes and puts the food on the coffee table) Thank you! (quietly) For the lousy tip.
Kenji puts the money in his pocket and turns for the front door again.
SALEM (under his breath)
That idiot forgot the fortune cookies.
Kenji hears and turns back.
KENJI
I did not forget the fortune cookies! (peering at Salem) What did you say?
SALEM
Aargh...(unsure what to say)...meow.
***
Sabrina and Roxie walk out of their room.
SABRINA
Hey, maybe we should invite Miles to come to the movies with us.
ROXIE
Do we have to? We’re meeting normal people tonight.
SABRINA
What if I promise he won't use the words Roswell, bigfoot or Klingon?
ROXIE
We’d still have to deal with his latest conspiracy theory. (impersonation on Miles) The moon landing was a total hoax.
SABRINA
Look, I happen to know there’s a whole group of people that are very interested in what Miles thinks...and not just psychiatrists.
Sabrina walks over to Miles' door and does a secret knock.
MILES (V/O from his room)
Come in Sabrina. (Sabrina enters) Thanks for the secret knock.
SABRINA
Oh no problem, and don’t worry, I wasn’t followed. (about his telescope) A new toy?
MILES
I’ve been saving for this baby since I was fifteen. This is the Argonaut XR-9, eight inch parabolic primary mirror, eight hundred millimetre focal length. So powerful, pointing it at the moon is like being there. Which is a lot more than I can say for Mr. Neil Armstrong.
SABRINA
All very interesting, now how about taking a break and coming with us to the movies?
MILES
No thanks, I’m staying in tonight.
SABRINA
Miles, you can’t stay in every night! How’s everyone gonna know what a great guy you are if all you do is...hey, can you point this thing at the men's weight room? (adjusts the telescope view and looks through) Wow, apparently you can. Hello.
MILES
The truth is, I was thinking about going to that alternate reality group tonight but I feel weird going alone.
SABRINA
Oh well, Roxie and I’ll go with you.
MILES
Really?
SABRINA
Yeah, you know we can go to the movies anytime but how many times do you get to seek out universal truth?
MILES
Well how are you gonna get Roxie to come along?
SABRINA
I’m gonna lie. (walks out)
***
Kenji is sitting on the couch beside Salem, teasingly eating the noodles, in an attempt to try to get Salem to talk again.
KENJI
Mmm, all you have to do is talk for me and you get the chow mien. Mmmm, pork.
SALEM
Oh, oh, oh the other white meat! Fine! I’m talking, see! Now give memy chow mien!
KENJI
I knew I wasn’t crazy, you are a talking cat. You could make me a very wealthy man. I could quit this stupid job and move back home to Tokyo.
SALEM
Hold the phone. Why’s a Japanese guy working in a Chinese restaurant?
KENJI
Why is a cat talking? Oh that’s right, to make me rich! You’re coming with me! (picks up Salem and starts for the door)
SALEM
Oh. I knew I should have ordered pizza!
***
Sabrina, Miles and Roxie step through together in the entrance hallway at Jim Thom's house. The walls are decorated with the appropriate items to make it seem like home for Miles.
ROXIE
This isn’t a movie theatre, you lied to me.
SABRINA
All in the name of truth.
MILES (looking at a poster)
OK, I see the Crab Nebula, I’m starting to feel at home.
ROXIE
And I’m ready to go home.
SABRINA (restraining Roxie from leaving)
Oh wait-wait-wait! Look, it looks like they’re showing a movie in there.
They look through a gap in a curtained off room. They step through and find a group of people sitting on the floor in front of a TV screen.
NARRATOR (V/O)
Human cells contain the very same primordial elements that compose all heavenly bodies throughout the universe. We are children of the stars.
MILES (to Roxie and Sabrina)
Yes! I’ve always maintained that.
JIM THOM (V/O on screen)
Join me, Jim-Thom, on an epic journey to meet your mortal challenge and discover your cosmic soul.
SABRINA (joking)
Or better yet, your cosmic soul-train. Anyone feel like dancing?
Heather approaches them.
HEATHER
Miles, I am so glad you made it.
MILES
Hey Heather, how’s it goin? You remember Sabrina?
SABRINA
Philosophy class? Girl in the front row? Sees chairs that aren’t really there?
HEATHER
It doesn’t ring a bell.
MILES
And this is...
ROXIE (interrupting)
Ida! (to Sabrina) I'd a rather be anywhere else than here.
HEATHER (to Miles)
What did you think of the video?
MILES
I just caught the end but it seemed to completely parallel my world view.
HEATHER
Jim Thom is a brilliant thinker and we told him how insightful you are. He was very impressed.
MILES
With me?
HEATHER
Oh, yes. Come and meet some of the others. (takes him by the hand over to the rest of the group)
SABRINA (watching after Miles; to Roxie)
How perfect are they together?
ROXIE
It’s like someone took Ken and Barbie and dunked them in the freak machine.
SABRINA
What’s with you Roxie? I mean, maybe these people aren’t exactly like us, but that doesn’t make them freaks.
Roxie is about to reply, when a man not so tall approaches the two of them. He has a slightly chubby build and has a crystal necklace around his neck.
CHUCK
Greetings. (to Sabrina) My Jim-Thom crystal is picking up powerful vibrations from you. Permission to touch your aura?
Promptly, Sabrina and Roxie take a step away from Chuck.
SABRINA
Aargh, let’s just be friends...I’m Sabrina and this is...
ROXIE (cutting Sabrina off)
Someone who was told she was going to the movies.
SABRINA
And you are?
CHUCK
The name's Chuck, but names aren’t important here. What counts is what’s on the inside.
Chuck performs an odd salute to the pair – he puts his left palm on his chest, raises his thumb to his forehead and then holds his hands towards them in an offering.
ROXIE (to Sabrina)
Don’t worry, I have pepper spray in my bag.
SABRINA
So, what’s the deal with this Jim Thom guy? Does he have an uncle in the pillow business?
CHUCK
Oh, Jim Thom feels that the closer we are to earth, the more freely we can absorb its knowledge.
SABRINA
Oh, so you learn through your butt?
CHUCK (laughs)
Yes, Jim Thom appreciates humour. He’s an open, nurturing man. All he asks is that we-we maintain a respectful distance from his forbidden zone.
SABRINA / ROXIE (taken aback)
Excuse me?
Chuck gestures across the room to some sliding doors.
CHUCK
That. It’s his inner space, it leads to a place of mystery, a place of magic.
He makes another gesture towards the doors, squatting down and leaning forward with his head down between his outstretched arms.
SABRINA (to Roxie)
Well, I’m ready for that movie, how about you?
ROXIE
Absolutely.
Sabrina looks over at Miles before departing, receiving a thumbs-up from him and leaving with Roxie.
***
Kenji enters the back room at the Chinese takeaway place he works at. Salem is perched up in a cage.
SALEM
About time! Where were you?
KENJI
Leaving messages for every talent agency from here to the Hollywood sign. You are going to make me filthy rich. You headline in Vegas and have your own TV show where you dispense justice with attitude.
SALEM
Your little money making scheme is over. At any moment my friends are going to crash through that curtain to rescue me! Just watch. (nothing happens after a few moments) I took a shot.
***
Sabrina walks into the kitchen in the college house and joins Roxie.
SABRINA
Hey, Rox. Hey, Miles wasn’t in philosophy today, have you seen him?
ROXIE
He came in after you left for class, changed clothes and headed off to Jim Thom’s house.
SABRINA
He’s been there three days in a row.
ROXIE
Well, that’s what usually happens when you join a cult.
SABRINA
Roxie, it’s not a cult, it’s just a...group of lost souls who worship one guy and don’t question anything he says. (sudden realization dawns on her) Maybe I should go check on Miles. (runs out)
***
At Jim Thom's house, in the main room. Chuck is on the TV monitor as the group watch him.
ONSCREEN CHUCK
Jim Thom changed my life. (Sabrina walks in) Before him my life was about material things. My helicopter, my winery, but I traded all that for Jim-Thom’s gift of enlightenment.
Onscreen Chuck gives out his hand gesture that he showed to Roxie and Sabrina a few days ago. The real Chuck looks a little shy as his friends gather around and give him applauses.
CHUCK
Oh, lordy!
SABRINA
Oh brother! Miles, get away from the little man and come with me.
MILES
Hey Sabrina, what are you doing here?
SABRINA
Aargh, I’m a little worried about you. I haven’t seen you in a few days.
MILES
I’m doing great, I’m meeting wonderful...intelligent people...and I’m learning so much from Jim Thom. He has incredible powers.
SABRINA
Well, so did Spiderman but he didn’t ask people to give up their helicopters.
MILES
Real stuff! He has the psychic ability to communicate with plants and insects, and also, usually you have to be a full fledged traveller before you hear this, he’s a witch.
SABRINA (surprised by the irony)
A what? (!)
JIM THOM (standing at the opposite side)
A witch. (to Sabrina) I don’t believe we’ve met.
MILES
This is Sabrina.
JIM THOM
Sabrina, I’m Jim Thom, glad to have you aboard on this special journey. (walks past her and onto the sliding doors) Welcome traveller.
***
SABRINA
Miles, do you really believe that Jim-Thom is a witch?
MILES
Look, I know it sounds weird but I’ve seen the man do amazing things, appear out of thin air, make stuff vanish.
SABRINA
But witches aren’t supposed to go around announcing they’re witches.
MILES
And you would know that how?
SABRINA (unsure how to answer)
Well...if I was a witch, you know I, I, I wouldn’t be blabbing it all over town!
The sliding doors open on Sabrina's line. We find that Jim Thom is floating, sitting in the middle of the air, levitating.
MILES
Look at that! Don’t you wish you could levitate?
SABRINA (looking Jim Thom up and down)
Interesting technique. Gotta' go. (walks out)
Sabrina walks out of the room, and double checking to make sure no one can see her, she zaps herself and disappears into an array of magical sparkles.
***
Zelda's Genius Camp, in the Other Realm. She has just partaken in her swing of the Mexican Wave, as she sit down she finds the once-empty seat beside her is now filled by Sabrina.
SABRINA
Hi, Aunt Zelda.
ZELDA
Oh, Sabrina!
SABRINA
Who would have guessed that geniuses knew the wave?
ZELDA
Oh, we egg-heads love to let it all hang out. I wish you could have been at Isaac Newton’s last night, the things that man can do with an apple.
SABRINA (changing the subject)
Anyway, Aunt Zelda, I just came by to ask you a question. Have you ever heard of a guy named Jim Thom?
ZELDA
No, who is he?
SABRINA
He’s the leader of a cult that Miles has joined.
ZELDA
Why did Miles join a cult?
SABRINA
I told him to...but that’s beside the point. Anyway, Jim Thom is claiming he’s a witch!
ZELDA
Oh I'd hate to think one of our own is using his powers for evil.
It's their turn to do their part for the Mexican Wave again. They both stand, and sit down again.
SABRINA
Well, is there any way for me to tell if he’s really a witch?
ZELDA
Well, you’ll have to perform the knuckle test.
SABRINA
Oh, of course, the knuckle test...what’s the knuckle test?
ZELDA
You steal a hair from his left pinkie knuckle. If the hair curls, he’s not a witch.
SABRINA
Is there any other way?
ZELDA
Be thankful, when I was a girl you had to go in through the nose.
SABRINA
Urgh!
It's their turn for the wave again – and as Zelda sits back down her niece is gone.
***
Sabrina appears in Jim Thom's "inner space", a luxury room.
SABRINA
Ah so this is the inner space. I guess the cult business pays pretty well.
JIM THOM (V/O)
I’ll join you right after I cleanse my soul.
SABRINA
Time to be a fly on the wall!
Sabrina points on herself and in array of sparks is zapped away, just as Jim Thom walks in...she is now a fly, on the coffee table, still with her face. She rubs her hands together.
SABRINA
Must have garbage! No, gotta focus.
The phone rings.
JIM THOM (answering phone)
Yeah, hello Jim Thom...hey, Harry!...Yeah, it’s been a very fruitful week...I have seen my early retirement package and his name is Miles Goodman. (laughs)
SABRINA
Okay, we know he’s a crook, now let’s find out if he’s a witch.
JIM THOM
Hey, how about you and I taking a cruise down to the Bahamas for a little R and R? (Sabrina's fly figure pulls a hair from his pinky) Aargh! Aargh!
Sabrina flies away quickly, holding the hair which is very curly...
SABRINA
It’s official, he’s not a witch and he’s got eczema. (looks up and sees that Jim Thom is about to swat her) O-o! Gotta fly!
Sabrina dashes away before she is hit.
JIM THOM
Darn!
***
Sabrina materializes in Jim Thom's hallway. But something's up with her leg...
SABRINA
Close call. (zaps her insecticide leg away) Phew! That would have been a nightmare to shave.
Sabrina steps through the curtain. It is dinner time. Sabrina approaches Chuck.
SABRINA
Oh, hi, Chuck, sorry to rain on your psychic parade but have you seen Miles?
CHUCK
He went home to get something for Jim-Thom.
SABRINA (looking at Chucks' dinner bowl)
Well what are you people eating?
JASON
Mung beans and rice.
HEATHER
Jim Thom says that pure living starts with a strict vegetarian diet.
SABRINA
So he’s a witch and a nutritionist?
Miles enters holding the telescope that he had in his room, the one he has been saving for since the age of 15.
CULT GROUP (to Miles)
Greetings, traveller.
MILES
Oh, greetings fellow travellers. (balances his instrument in one hand and gestures the greeting at them) Sabrina, you’re back?
SABRINA (sarcastic at first)
Yeah, who could miss mung beans and rice night? Miles, what are you doing with your telescope?
MILES
Sabrina, it’s not my telescope anymore than this is my planet or these are my hands.
CHUCK
Jim Thom tells us possessions should not take over our lives.
JASON
The Jim Thom teachings...
HEATHER
Chapter seven, verse twelve. Travellers...
The cult group all stand and bow their heads as they recite.
CULT GROUP
You’ve got enough, you love your stuff.
SABRINA
That’s it? Those are his pearls of wisdom? Look Miles, everyone. Okay, I’ve got something to tell you and I’ll try to be delicate. Jim Thom is a big fat liar! He’s a fake! A phoney! A con! A cheater! A chiseller! A bamboozler! A swindler! He’s bunko, bogus!
MILES (interrupting)
Sabrina, stop! Jim Thom already warned us our friends would say that about him.
SABRINA
Because it’s true! I overheard him talking in his stupid "Inner space"
CHUCK
Easy there! We don’t go around insulting your forbidden zone.
Sabrina has an uneasy look on her face before she continues.
SABRINA
Jim Thom is planning to take all your money.
MILES
That’s ridiculous! All Jim Thom is trying to do is give us a better life and lead us to true happiness.
SABRINA
But you were happy before! Remember, you were so excited to just look at the moon!
MILES
And then you told me to get involved on this planet, and now, for the first time in my life, I feel connected with myself, with other people and with the universe. Sabrina, thanks to you, I feel whole!
SABRINA
Yeah, well...(unsure how to say it)...get over it.
***
Jim Thom is on his couch in his "inner space" plucking some eyebrow hairs as there is a knock from the back door.
JIM THOM
Who is it?
KENJI
Delivery! Kenton Gardens!
Jim Thom gets up, releases half a dozen safety chains and opens the door. Kenji walks in.
JIM THOM
Hmm. Food in one hand, a cat in the other. You give me a discount or I report you to the health department.
Kenji puts the food down on the table and holds up the cage.
KENJI
This isn’t just any cat, it’s a talking cat. It’s going to make me rich. Tell him cat. (but Salem says nothing)
JIM THOM
I’ll get my wallet. (walks away)
KENJI (to Salem, as Jim Thom is gone)
You really irritate me. You embarrass me Salmon.
SALEM
The name's Salem, you idiot! (Jim Thom returns) If you’re going to hold me hostage you could at least show me some respect and call me by my real... (notices Jim Thom's presence)...meow. Oh, jeez.
JIM THOM
This is a miracle, a divine sign from a higher power. I must own it.
SALEM
I’m not for sale.
KENJI
Make an offer.
JIM THOM
Ten thousand dollars and that includes the take out.
KENJI
Sold! (shakes Jim Thom's hand)
SALEM
Ghe?
***
Sabrina is still having trouble trying to relay the truth of Jim Thom's motives to his followers.
SABRINA
OK Chuck, let’s go with your argument. Let’s say that anyone who levitates is a witch, well, magicians levitate and David Copperfield is a magician. (prompting) Airgo...
CHUCK
David Copperfield is a witch!
The cult group mumble stun to themselves.
SABRINA
No! No, no, no! OK, we’ll start again. Okay, if a person pulls a rabbit out of a hat, we call this person a...
CHUCK
A witch!
Sabrina covers her head with her hands. They just don't get it!
MILES
Sabrina, I think it would be a good idea if you left now.
Sabrina is about to give up on it all, just as the sliding doors to Jim Thom's inner space part open and he steps through, carting a trolley with Salem's cage covered.
JIM THOM
Fellow travellers, I have a special treat for you. Tonight I have proof the mortal challenge has been met. I present to you a genuine cosmic soul, an ancient, gifted prophet who has chosen to visit us in a unique form. (takes off the cover from Salem's cage)
SABRINA
Salem?
JIM THOM
Stealthy messenger from beyond, revered by witches and pharos, please share with us your wisdom.
SABRINA (quietly casting a spell)
Birds fly, dogs walk but this cat no longer talks.
JIM THOM (to Salem)
Anytime you’re ready cosmic soul. (no sound comes from Salem's mouth) Anytime now. (silent pause) Talk amongst yourselves.
Jim Thom steps back into his inner space with Salem.
SABRINA
I think this whole charade proves my point.
JOSH
Of course the cat's not going to speak, he’s picking up on your negative energy.
CHUCK
A prophet can’t reveal himself to a non-believer.
SABRINA
OK, I didn’t want to have to resort to this...
Sabrina zaps her finger discreetly at the TV screen and an image of Jim Thom's inner space comes on. He is eating up the Chinese he ordered and growling at Salem.
SABRINA
Look!
ONSCREEN JIM THOM
You back stabbing little vermin eater. I shelled out ten grand for you! If I tell you to talk, you had better talk! Those idiots aren’t gonna keep falling for that levitation trick.
CHUCK
Idiots? He can’t be talking about us?
ONSCREEN JIM THOM
Sure, I can string Chuck along, he’s got oat-meal for brains. I've gotta find a new angle to keep the rest of those losers sucked in.
MILES
Sabrina was right! Jim-Thom is a hoax!
SABRINA
Look, his inner space, it’s not a spiritual haven, it’s a bachelor pad.
CHUCK
My mobile wet bar! That’s my faux tiger skin! That’s my couch! He said he was gonna donate it to an orphanage.
SABRINA
Which one? Our Lady of Saint Hefner?
JASON
Jim Thom also said we had to become vegetarians! So why’s he eating Mongolian beef?!
CHUCK
Brother, we’ve been had! (as they all exit) This stinks!
Sabrina and Miles are the only two remaining.
SABRINA
Are you OK?
MILES
I can’t believe I got conned like this. (walks out)
Sabrina bursts into Jim Thom's inner space with a flick of her magical arm. A strong gust of wind blows as she steps in.
JIM TOM
How did you get in here?
SABRINA
Well if you were a witch you’d know! (starts levitating herself) And next time you’re going to impersonate one, please, do something original. (she briefly turns the fake tiger skin on his couch into a tiger) Everybody’s on to you, all your cosmic travellers have left because they know what kind of person you really are. A charlatan and a thief!
JIM THOM
You know you and I could make a lot of money together.
SABRINA
Maybe I didn’t make myself clear, you’re out of the cult business Jim-Thom!
JIM THOM
But I have no other skills! (Sabrina points and a clap of thunder sounds outside) I’ll get some.
Grabbing his food, he runs and exits. Sabrina approaches Salem.
SABRINA
Tail of rat, wing of bat, allow this cat to chit and chat.
SALEM
Oh, Sabrina! You saved my life! Jim Thom said he was gonna do unspeakable things to me if I didn’t talk. He..he...he took the Mongolian beef!
***
Sabrina is sitting on the couch in the college house, reading, with Miles' telescope beside her. Miles approaches.
MILES
Hey.
SABRINA
Hey, Miles.
MILES
Oh! You got back my telescope, thanks Sabrina.
SABRINA
No problem. I’m sorry I pushed you to get involved with Jim Thom.
MILES
You didn’t force me to join that group, and it wasn’t all bad. I might have temporarily lost my mind but,...I gained a few friends.
SABRINA
Really?
MILES
Yeah, after we left Jim-Thom’s, all the ex-travellers went out for chicken and waffles.
SABINA
Well at least it’s better than mung beans.
MILES
Sabrina, I gotta tell you. The way you went in there and put yourself on the line for me was incredible. You’re a really good friend.
SABRINA
Thanks Miles.
MILES
And if you ever get involved with people who claim to be from another realm, I’ll be the first to bust the thing wide open.
SABRINA
Well, hopefully you won't have to go in through the nose. (Miles gives her a look) Private joke...
***
Sabrina is sitting on the couch at her aunt's place, watching TV with Salem as Zelda arrives back from her genius camp through the Other Realm portal.
ZELDA (V/O)
I’m back!
SALEM
Sabrina, please don’t tell Zelda what happened. She’ll never let me stay alone again.
SABRINA
Exactly, she’ll make you stay with me. My lips are sealed.
ZELDA (approaching)
Hey.
SABRINA
Hey. So how was the rest of genius camp?
ZELDA
Well De Vinci was a dream, Kecagard was a lech and Einstein short sheeted my bed! How was your weekend Salem?
SALEM
Very quiet. Nothing out of the ordinary, right Sabrina?
SABRINA
Right. (the doorbell rings) Pizza guy, I’ll get the money.
ZELDA
Oh, I’ll get the door.
Zelda answers the door as Sabrina goes for the cash. The man delivering the pizza is Jim Thom!
JIM THOM
That’ll be eighteen fifty.
ZELDA
Just put it right over there.
He walks over to the coffee table, spots Salem and they have an uneasy moment.
JIM THOM
You!
SABRINA (approaching)
You!
JIM THOM (looking at Sabrina)
You!! (to Zelda) No charge!
Jim Thom throws the pizza into Zelda's hand and runs off like a frightened little girl. Sabrina slips the cash back into her pocket with a dignified grin.
***
END CREDITS
***
Based on characters appearing in ARCHIE COMICS
Episode originally written by Adam England
