Hilda comes running downstairs into the kitchen with her exciting news. Sabrina and Salem are at the front bench, and Zelda is at the table.
HILDA
You'll never believe it. I have finally met the man of my dreams, the real thing, the one!
ZELDA
Congratulations...how is he different from the four hundred other "the one's"?
HILDA
Well, he's gorgeous, he's charming, he's funny.
SABRINA (sarcastic)
Sounds different so far...
HILDA
Did I mention that he's gorgeous? His name is Alex. I met him this morning at the Other Realm post office.
ZELDA
Oh, please tell me his picture wasn't on the wall.
HILDA
(crossing to the other side of the table) Alec happens to be a very fine actor. He is currently starring in the Other Realm soap opera, Another Realm.
SALEM
Oh, ask him who's the real father of Charlene's baby. My money's on Bob the dancing gargoyle.
ZELDA
(standing) Hilda, I know what I say will have absolutely no effect on you, but please, be careful. Go slow.
SABRINA
It's just that we don't want you to end up with someone who isn't right for you.
HILDA
You don't have to worry. I have my eyes open and my feet firmly on the ground. (starts levitating) Did I mention that he's gorgeous?
SABRINA
Did I mention you're about to hit your head?
HILDA
(her head thumps on the roof) Ow!
SABRINA (to Zelda)
I guess it's true, love hurts.
***
OPENING CREDITS
***
Roxie is in hers and Sabrina's room, by her bed chucking through piles of clothes as Sabrina enters with the laundry basket.
SABRINA
Training for the Olympic clothes toss?
ROXIE
(standing) I'm looking for my black T-shirt, have you seen it?
SABRINA
(holding it up from the basket) Not only have I seen it, I washed it.
ROXIE
(disgusted) You washed my T-shirt? How could you?
SABRINA
You're welcome. Happy to do you the favour. Here, smell...(inhales and hands it over to Roxie)...fresh as a springtime morning. (Roxie takes the shirt)
ROXIE
The only thing I hate more than springtime, is morning. New rule: never wash my stuff.
SABRINA
Newer rule: OK, I won't, so there.
Sabrina walks into the kitchen and finds Morgan walking over to the couch with a fresh cup of coffee.
SABRINA
Fair warning, Roxie's on the warpath. It's going to be a long, ugly weekend.
MORGAN
Oh, not for me. I've got a big date.
SABRINA
(holding the coffee pot) Aargh, you know, the person who finishes the pot is supposed to make a new one.
MORGAN
Oh, I guess that's you. But before you do, I need your opinion. (shows Sabrina two different dresses on hangers) I'm going out with Josh tonight, and I can't decide what to wear. Hot and sexy, or cool and coy?
SABRINA (with a forced smile)
You guys are going out again?
MORGAN
No, we're staying in. I'm making dinner...well, actually, the restaurant's making dinner. But I'm putting it on the plate.
SABRINA
Oh, that sounds like a pretty romantic evening.
MORGAN
You're right. Neither of these are romantic enough. But, I have got the perfect little off-the-shoulder number in my closet. Josh will love it. (turns back as she goes upstairs) I'm so glad you introduced us.
SABRINA
Don't mention it...(as Morgan is gone)...ever again!
Miles comes running towards Sabrina with some of his scientific equipment.
MILES
Sabrina, just to let you know, I'm videotaping the meteor show tonight, so I'll need to run some cables through your bedroom window.
SABRINA
You're gonna leave my window open? It's thirty degrees out!
MILES
Come on, this is a once-in-a-lifetime experience. Unless I live to be a hundred and forty seven or I freeze my body. But I have an aversion to cold.
SABRINA
But it's OK to turn me into a popsicle?
MILES
I knew I could count on you. (walks out)
***
At the coffeehouse, Sabrina is seated on the couch with her three partners for the project she is working on.
LANCE
I say we do our project on the Gold Rush.
RAMONA
I say Prohibition.
PRAJEEB
What is so wrong with the Expedition of Lewis and Clark?
LANCE
Oh, come on!
RAMONA
Why do you always bring up stuff like that?
SABRINA
Enough! Since you can't make a decision, I will. We live in Boston. We all like to party. We're gonna' to do the Boston Tea Party.
RAMONA
The Boston Tea Party? That's like so sixth grade.
LANCE
Yeah, I don't like parties.
PRAJEEB
I don't like Boston.
SABRINA
People, we have to agree on something.
RAMONA
Let's take a coffee break. (stands)
PRAJEEB / LANCE
(standing) I agree.
Sabrina's partners turn to the counter as she bangs her head on the sofa arm and grunts. Josh walks over with the coffee pots.
JOSH
I can't remember, does two head-bangs mean regular or decaf?
SABRINA
I am in the study group from hell. (holding up her mug for Josh to fill) I mean, they can't make a decision and they won't listen to anything I have to say.
JOSH
Oh, I'd love to get into it but I have to get a haircut before my date tonight. Morgan's making me dinner.
SABRINA
Yeah, I know, and I bet she's planning one or two surprises for after dinner.
JOSH
I hope one of them is cake. (walks off; turns back) Hey, argh...you're OK with this whole me and Morgan thing, right?
SABRINA
Yeah, you know. I mean, who introduced you? Me.
JOSH
I know, and it's working out great.
SABRINA
(sarcastic; as Josh walks out) Yeah, everything's working out great.
The troubles in Sabrina's life appear in bubbles around her...
ROXIE
Don't touch my stuff!
MILES
Don't close the window!
JOSH
Morgan, I love you.
MORGAN
(pause) Yes, I'll marry you.
PRAJEEB
Remember the Alamo.
Sabrina swats at the bubbles as Hilda and her new boyfriend, Alec, come and stand by her.
SABRINA
Go away, go away, go away!
HILDA
Fine...(turns off)
SABRINA
(standing after them) Oh, no, no, no, sorry, I was just you know, swatting away some personal demons.
HILDA
Well I just wanted to introduce you to my new "friend", Alec. This is Sabrina.
ALEC
(shaking hands with Sabrina) Hello.
SABRINA
Hi.
HILDA
Did I lie? Isn't he gorgeous!
ALEC
Hilda, stop, you're gonna' spoil me.
HILDA
No, you're going to spoil me. (to Sabrina) He's taking me to the Rings of Saturn, the best amusement park in the galaxy.
ALEC
The happiest place not on Earth. Check your troubles at the door, and have the time of your life.
SABRINA
Check your troubles at the door? (looks over at her arguing study "team")
LANCE
(arguing with Prajeeb) Well I don't care, I don't care!
SABRINA
(turning back to Hilda and Alec) When do we leave?
HILDA
Sabrina, it's our first date.
SABRINA
Well then you'll need a chaperone. (ushering Hilda and Alec out) Come on, kids.
***
At the busy theme park, Sabrina is walking around with Hilda and Alec who are arm in arm. She and Alec have snow-cones.
SABRINA
This is so much fun. You know, getting away from my problems is just what the doctor ordered.
HILDA
(to Sabrina) Did I mention that Alec plays the handsome and brooding Dr Terrance Honeycott on the highly acclaimed daytime drama, Another Realm?
The three of them stop in their tracks as Alec starts quoting his character.
ALEC
Listen, and listen good, Nurse Wilson. No one dies on my watch.
HILDA
Don't you love it when he does that?
SABRINA
Yeah, I have chills. So, who wants to go ride the rollercoaster?
HILDA
I do!
ALEC
Oh, pass. Yeah, wreaks havoc with the hair.
SABRINA
Oh, well, I like to live on the edge, so 'gotta go.
Sabrina walks off in the opposite direction as Hilda and Alec continue on arm in arm.
ALEC
How about the house of mirrors?
HILDA
Again? We've been there three times.
ALEC
And yet I never tire of it.
HILDA
We could do something different. You could row me through the tunnel of love with those big, strong arms.
ALEC
Well, rowing would be a great workout for my upper body, but argh...I'm in the mood to see all of me. (walks ahead of Hilda)
HILDA
(shrugging) House of mirrors it is.
***
Sabrina has just finished on the rollercoaster, her hair a mess, as she walks by the meteor-toss stall.
SABRINA
Whoa! That rollercoaster was great. (cannot see her hair) I don't know what Alec's problem was with the hair.
METEOR MAN
Hey, Cousin Itt, step on up and grab a meteor.
Sabrina goes over to the stall side and takes the meteor that the man holds out for her.
SABRINA
What do I have to do?
METEOR MAN
Just aim at Earth and give it a hurl.
SABRINA
(taking out some cash) That sounds like fun, and after that rollercoaster I am ready to hurl. (hands over the money and takes aim with the meteor) This one's for you, Miles.
Sabrina tosses the meteor and it goes flying leaving a trail of fire, at Earth. Miles is down on the rooftop of the college house watching the meteor as it crashes down with his binoculars.
MILES
Awesome! That one looked like it was aimed at me.
Back at the theme park.
METEOR MAN
We got ourselves a winner! Here's your prize, little lady. (hands over a plush black cat)
SABRINA (holding the cat)
Oh, argh...no thanks. (hands back the cat) One is more than enough.
***
Hilda and Alec come out of the house of mirrors. Hilda is looking pretty cheesed off as Alec continues to gloat about his body.
ALEC
God, I love that place! Did you notice that even in the most distorted mirrors I still look great?
HILDA
No...but I did notice that your head gets bigger.
ALEC
(desperately clutching his head) Really?
Alec takes a bottle from a nearby stall keeper and tries to see his reflection. Hilda takes it from him and hands it back.
HILDA
Alec, I hate to talk about me for a moment, but do you ever think about anything other than how you look?
ALEC
Certainly. Sometimes I think about how other people think I look.
***
Sabrina is over by a trash can, and aims to throw a piece of rubbish in, but misses. She is holding a balloon and an animal toy.
SABRINA
I can hurl a meteor all the way to Earth, but I can't make a free throw with a churro wrapper?
As Sabrina bends down to get it, but a litter-stick gets to it first...and as she stands, Sabrina finds that she is standing face to face with her evil twin Katrina!
KATRINA
No need, I got it.
SABRINA
Katrina?
KATRINA
Your one and only evil twin.
SABRINA
I know. I never forget a face, especially when it's mine. I, I thought you were locked up for eternity for pushing me into that volcano.
KATRINA
I had a good lawyer. I'm still in jail, but I get reduced sentence if I do community service. (rapidly changing the subject) Did you gain weight?
SABRINA
You are so evil.
KATRINA
Sorry. I might be nicer if I had your life.
SABRINA
Believe me, my life is not all fun and games. (Katrina gives her a look of disbelief) Well, maybe it is right now, but back at college, I've got a roommate who's giving me the cold shoulder, another one who's trying to freeze me out, and another one who's getting all hot and heavy with this guy Josh I kinda' like.
KATRINA
Oh, yeah? Well I'm sharing a filthy four by four cell with the most obnoxious piece of trailer trash in the Other Realm. Sorry if I don't seem sympathetic.
SABRINA
Look, I gotta' find my Aunt Hilda and her boyfriend. It was a pleasure seeing you again, Katrina.
KATRINA
Pleasure was all yours.
As Sabrina turns to walk away, Katrina quickly reaches into Sabrina's bag and swaps their passports! Sabrina turns back though, missing the switch by a second.
SABRINA
You know, the worst thing a person can do is go through life being bitter. Maybe you should think about making some changes.
KATRINA
I intend too, starting now.
SABRINA
Good luck, Katrina. Bye. (walks off)
KATRINA
(opens Sabrina's passport) Don't you mean "Sabrina"?
She laughs, and then quickly closes the passport away and walks off.
***
Alec and Hilda are standing in an alley.
ALEC
Oh what's the matter Hilda, you seem out of sorts.
HILDA
You actually noticed?
ALEC
No, the ticket-taker at the house of mirrors mentioned it.
HILDA (sternly)
I want you to take me home right now, Alec. There's Sabrina. Sabrina!
Hilda walks over to what she would think is Sabrina...but is really Katrina.
KATRINA
Finally, I've been looking all over for you.
HILDA
Why are you wearing a maintenance uniform?
KATRINA
I, uh, won it, at the house of garbage.
ALEC
Garbage? Oh, I wonder if you can see yourself in the cans...
HILDA
Can it, Dr. I-Love-Myself. Sabrina, I hate to spoil your fun, but we're going back to the Mortal Realm. (drags Alec away)
KATRINA
Not a problem, that's exactly where I wanna' be. So long, Sabrina. Have a nice eternity.
Katrina cackles deviously as she follows after Hilda and Alec.
***
The portal-closet to the Other Realm opens and Katrina steps through. Salem is sitting on the laundry basket by the landing.
KATRINA
Oh, home sweet home, just like I imagined it...I mean, remembered it. (to Salem) Oh, ugly cat. (walks into Sabrina's room)
SALEM
Well that really hurts coming from someone in a maintenance uniform! (Alec and Hilda stand by him) Who wants to play, "You Don't Know Jack"? How about you, boyfriend?
HILDA
Oh, sorry Salem, Alec was just leaving.
ALEC
Oh, I'm in no hurry. Did I tell you I once played Jack in the national tour of Jack and the Beanstalk? Fee, fie, foe...
SALEM
I believe the word you're looking for is "fum".
Zelda walks out onto the landing.
ZELDA
You're early. (to Alec) I'm Zelda. You must be "the one". (shakes hands with Alec)
ALEC
Ah, the one in your thoughts or the one in your dreams?
HILDA
Ew! Zelda, kitchen, now!
Zelda follows Hilda downstairs.
***
Sabrina is standing at the meteor stall again, holding her prizes.
SABRINA (to Meteor Man)
Well, this has really been fun, but I gotta' get going.
METEOR MAN
(handing Sabrina a meteor) Take one of these as a souvenir. Good luck with your problems back home.
SABRINA
Thanks. You know, they probably weren't as bad as I thought they were.
Sabrina zaps herself away.
***
Sabrina approaches the customs officer at the Other Realm departure services and puts down her bag, getting out her passport.
WOMAN (V/O)
All travellers leaving the Other Realm, please have your passports ready and passports available for inspection.
SECURITY GUARD
(looking at Sabrina's passport) Whoa, not so fast, blondie. I can't let you leave the Other Realm. This passport's no good.
SABRINA
Of course it's good, I use it every time I come to the Other Realm. I've never been stopped before. Let me see that. (takes the passport and finds that it is Katrina's) Ah! Why that evil little twin. She switched passports on me, this is not my passport. My name is Sabrina, not Katrina. Do I look like an evil twin to you?
SECURITY GUARD
I don't know, lady. I'm not a psychologist, I scan stuff. (scans Sabrina with a device)
SABRINA
Look, you're making a big mistake!
SECURITY GUARD
Arrivederci, baby.
He zaps Sabrina and she is put into a red suit, only to disappear and reappear in a prison cell.
SABRINA (looking around)
OK, stay calm. Don't panic...(leaning over the window)...let me out of here!
JEZEBELDA (V/O)
Save your breath, honey.
Sabrina turns to find a woman with frizzy, blonde hair that looks like her Aunt Zelda sitting on the opposite seat flicking through a magazine.
SABRINA
Aunt Zelda?
JEZEBELDA
No, her evil twin Jezebelda. I've been busier than a pair of jumper cables at a family reunion, trying to get my sorry butt out of here. (approaching Sabrina) If they ain't springing me, they sure ain't springing you.
SABRINA
It's amazing how much you look like my Aunt Zelda.
JEZEBELDA
Sshh! Bite your tongue, girlie. (leaning down on Sabrina) So tell me, how is that skinny-legged little egghead?
SABRINA
Oh, oh, she's fine...I'll...I'll...I'll give her your best.
***
Hilda and Zelda walk into the kitchen. Hilda sits at the table and Zelda joins her after getting them drinks from the fridge.
HILDA
You were right, Zelda. The one is not the one.
ZELDA
Then what is he still doing in our house?
HILDA
Probably admiring his reflection in a doorknob. I tried to get rid of him, but he won't take a hint.
ZELDA
Well stop hinting. Just go up there and tell him the truth.
HILDA
(standing) That he's a self-centred, arrogant ego-maniac, and he doesn't deserve a treasure like me?
ZELDA
First part sounded good.
***
Katrina walks out of Sabrina's room now changed into more comfortable clothing.
KATRINA
OK, new outfit, new realm...I'm ready to do some evil.
Hilda approaches Katrina from the stairs.
HILDA
Sabrina, have you seen Alec?
KATRINA
Oh, he's at your vanity, waxing his arm hair.
HILDA
Oh, I should've listened to you before.
KATRINA
Of course you should have. What'd I say?
HILDA
That the last thing you wanted was for me to end up with someone who isn't right for me. And this guy is so wrong.
KATRINA
I said that was the last thing I'd want? Because I think you misinterpreted what I was saying.
HILDA
Then what were you saying?
KATRINA
Well, in a nut-shell, you're over six-hundred years old. You can't afford to be picky. You should grab this guy before he dumps you for a hot little five hundred year old.
HILDA
Sabrina, I can't stand Alec. And even Zelda says that if I feel that way, I should get rid of him.
KATRINA
Why do you think she said that? She wants him for herself.
HILDA
You think?
KATRINA
I know.
HILDA
Well, he is gorgeous.
KATRINA
That's what Zelda said repeatedly.
HILDA
Ah, that skinny-legged little vamp. Thanks for tipping me off, Sabrina. I owe you one.
KATRINA
Anytime. Hey, you know what? You could do me a favour right now. I sprained my finger on the Tilt-a-Whirl. Could you zap me back to college?
Hilda points at Katrina and she disappears in a puff of smoke.
***
Katrina appears in Sabrina and Roxie's room.
KATRINA
Huh, so this is my room. (clutching her shoulders) It's colder than my cell!
Miles pops his head in through the window. Katrina approaches him.
MILES
This meteor shower is unbelievable. Thanks for letting me run my cables through your window. You're a real friend, Sabrina. (turns away)
KATRINA
Well, any friend of Sabrina's is an enemy of mine.
Katrina leans over and closes the window fully, knocking Miles' cables out.
KATRINA (laughs)
I am so evil.
Miles knocks on the window but she just stands there, ignoring him, playing with her nail.
***
Sabrina is pacing around the prison cell trying to get her magic to work, but no sparks will emerge from her fingertip. Jezebelda is lying on the bench.
SABRINA
No matter what I do, my magic just won't work!
JEZEBELDA
That's why they call it prison, honey. (sits up) I'll tell you what's a crime. That Zelda gets to run wild while I'm locked up in here. I was the pretty one, I was the talented one. (approaches Sabrina) I was the one who was supposed to go places.
SABRINA
What happened?
JEZEBELDA
I was a bad, bad girl. (twiddling her hair) Started a little thing called the bubonic plague.
SABRINA
That's awful!
JEZEBELDA
Thank you.
SABRINA
You know, that's like one of the worst disasters in human history.
JEZEBELDA
(fanning herself) Now you're embarrassing me.
***
Roxie walks into hers and Sabrina's room, disgruntled to find that Katrina is lying on her bed...reading her diary.
ROXIE
You're lying on my bed. You know how I feel about you touching my stuff.
KATRINA
(sitting up) Yeah, it's right here in your diary, October 3rd, the same entry where you admit you still suck your thumb.
ROXIE
(snatching the diary from Katrina) Have you lost your mind? This is my personal property!
KATRINA (standing)
Oh, well if you didn't want me to read it then you shouldn't have left it locked in that little box underneath your mattress.
Miles walks in and joins Roxie and Katrina.
MILES
Finally! I've been trying to get in this room for twenty minutes. (to Katrina) Thanks to you unplugging my cables, I missed the best part of the meteor shower.
ROXIE
At least she didn't read your diary.
MILES
Sabrina, you're acting so weird. This isn't like you at all.
ROXIE
How far in my diary did you get?
KATRINA
(smirking) Enough to know that you had a dream about Miles last night. (walks out)
Miles folds his arms and turns to Roxie.
MILES
Really?
ROXIE
Don't get too excited. You were dead. (gives him an embarrassed look and turns away)
***
Katrina is in the kitchen nibbling on some food on a plate left on the bench. Morgan comes running down in a blue dress putting on her earrings.
MORGAN
Oh, Sabrina, don't eat those. They're for my date with Josh.
KATRINA
(going face to face with Morgan) Josh?
MORGAN
Yeah, he'll be here any minute. I can't wait. (pause) So, how's my outfit?
KATRINA
I don't know, what are you gonna' wear?
MORGAN
This...
KATRINA
Oh...I guess it's a look.
MORGAN
I'm changing. (as she runs upstairs there is two rings of the doorbell) If that's Josh, tell him I'll be down in five minutes!
Katrina looks out the window and sets her eyes on Josh, who is waiting eagerly on the porch.
KATRINA
My pleasure. (opens the door and Josh steps forward)
JOSH
Hey, Sabrina. Where's Morgan?
KATRINA
Morgan? Oh, Morgan, um...yeah, you know what? She just got very sick and she told me she has to cancel.
JOSH
Really? She seemed fine when I talked to her twenty minutes ago.
KATRINA
Came on very suddenly.
JOSH
Oh, well, so much for dinner. Guess it's me and my microwave tonight.
KATRINA
Or...I could be your date. (steps out onto the porch and closes the door)
JOSH
Hey, Sabrina, I thought you didn't wanna' go out with me.
KATRINA
Why wouldn't I wanna' go out with someone as charming and handsome as you?
JOSH
I have no idea.
Katrina drags him away by the jacket.
***
Back in the prison cell, Jezebelda and Sabrina are still pacing around together.
JEZEBELDA
Listen, if I get that guard to spring you, will you promise to poison your Aunt Zelda?
SABRINA
With what? I mean, no!! (looking to her bag) There's gotta' be a way out of here. (takes the meteor from her bag that the stall holder gave her) And I think I just found it...
She looks out the window.
***
Salem and Alec are sitting in the lounge room, watching Alec in his soap opera on TV.
ALEC (mocking himself)
Now listen, and listen good, Nurse Wilson. (Salem joins in) No one dies on my watch.
SALEM
Bravo. We make one heck of a team. Dr Honeycutt and his swarthy feline sidekick, Gustavo.
Zelda has been creeping in from upstairs. She meets Hilda, who comes in from the kitchen with a tray of popcorn.
HILDA
Alec, snack time.
Alec gestures with his arm for her to be quiet.
ZELDA (approaching Hilda)
What is that cretin still doing here?
HILDA
He's our cat. He lives here.
ZELDA
Not that cretin, the other one. I thought you were going to dump him.
HILDA
You don't fool me for a minute, sister. I'm onto you. Sabrina told me about your plan to try to steal Alec.
ZELDA
What?
Sabrina's meteor crashes onto the tray with a trail of fire behind it. A little note is attached to the side.
HILDA
Oh, look. A meteor. (reading the note) It's a message from Sabrina. "I'm trapped in the Other Realm. Katrina stole my passport and switched places with me. Zelda's evil twin says, hi ya'll".
ZELDA
She's trapped with Jezebelda. (puts Hilda's tray down for her) We've got to get her out of there.
HILDA
Wait a minute. If Sabrina's back there, that means it was Katrina who told me I shouldn't dump Alec. (walks into the lounge room) Hey, pretty boy!
SALEM
Not now, I'm watching here.
HILDA
Well, watch what happens next. We're breaking up.
ALEC (approaching Hilda)
Oh, a breakup scene, I love those. What's my motivation?
HILDA
I hate you.
ALEC
Perfect.
HILDA
Dr. Honeycutt, you're history, stat!
Hilda zaps Alec away in a puff smoke.
ZELDA
(pats Hilda on the back) Now we've got to get Sabrina a new passport, stat!
HILDA
And hope that Katrina hasn't caused to much damage, stat! (Zelda gives her a look) I just like saying stat.
***
Back on the porch outside the college house, Josh and Katrina, who he thinks is Sabrina, walk up after their date.
KATRINA
Good night, Josh.
Katrina gives him a hug and they end up locking lips. Katrina turns away back into the house quickly. Josh stays for a minute or two with a look of confused pleasure on his face.
***
Zelda, Hilda and Salem are in the kitchen. Salem is on his small laptop lying on the bench, and Zelda is looking over the new passport he has just printed off for Sabrina.
ZELDA
Sabrina Spellman, perfect. This should get to the Other Realm in no time.
Zelda pops the passport in the toaster and walks off.
HILDA
You're a real whiz on the computer, Salem.
SALEM
Thanks to my new counterfeiting software. By the way, here's the money I owe you. (paws over some cash to Hilda)
***
Morgan is standing in the kitchen, staring at Katrina, who she too believes is Sabrina, in disbelief.
MORGAN
I can't believe you stole my boyfriend!
KATRINA
Well, all's fair in love and war...actually, nothing's fair in love and war, they should change that.
MORGAN
You knew that I had this special evening planned. What you did was just...(struggling to put words to it)...plain evil!
KATRINA (smirks)
Well, then my work is done. For tonight, anyway.
MORGAN
Sabrina, you going out with Josh was...
But before Morgan can finish her sentence, she is stopped as a magical spark twists around her. Katrina stares for a moment, before Sabrina appears in an array of sparks behind her.
SABRINA
Hello, Katrina.
KATRINA
(turning around) Sabrina, how did you get out?
SABRINA
A little luck and a good fastball. (holding out her hand) Now, hand over my passport.
KATRINA
(crossing her arms) Never.
SABRINA
Wait a minute, I have my magic back.
Sabrina zaps the passport out of Katrina's pocket and into her ready hand.
KATRINA
Drat.
SABRINA
It gets even worse. I spoke to your parole board, and you're gonna' be pining for the days you swept up gum wrappers. You're in the big house for the long haul.
KATRINA
You are so evil.
SABRINA
I learnt from the best. (waves at her) Buh-bye!
Sabrina zaps Katrina and she disappears in a twist of sparkles.
***
Katrina reappears in the prison cell, red clothes, Jezebelda sitting at her bench doing her nails.
JEZEBELDA
Well, well, well. Look what the cat dragged in.
KATRINA
It's horrible to see you too.
JEZEBELDA
Did you gain a little weight?
KATRINA
Did your legs get skinnier?
JEZEBELDA
(peering at Katrina's chin) Is that a whisker coming out of your chin?
KATRINA
Is that a chin coming out of your other chin?
JEZEBELDA
Lord I missed you girl.
KATRINA
I missed you too.
Katrina and Jezebelda lean in to give each other a hug.
***
Back in the college house kitchen, Sabrina is still looking at a "paused" Morgan.
SABRINA
It's tempting to leave her this way, but...
Sabrina zaps Morgan and she resumes her speech, unaware of anything that has happened.
MORGAN
...truly, truly, evil...when did you change?
SABRINA
Oh, just now. I'm no longer evil.
MORGAN
Anyway, if I thought for one second that you were interested in Josh, I never would've gone after him. (pause) Well, actually, I would have but just...slower.
SABRINA
Wait a minute, so you're saying I went out with Josh?
MORGAN
Don't play innocent with me. I saw you kissing him on the porch.
SABRINA
(surprised) I kissed him? Oh, oh, you thought that was a kiss? No, we were just, you know...rehearsing, for a play called...I'm the worst liar in the world. Look, Morgan, I'm really sorry. OK, I had no idea what I was doing. Please forgive me?
MORGAN
(takes a deep breath) Alright. I'll forgive you the Josh thing. But what you said about my outfit...that is gonna' take some time. (walks away)
SABRINA
OK, one problem solved. Next…
Roxie comes out of hers and Sabrina's room reading triumphantly from Sabrina's diary. Sabrina meets her halfway.
ROXIE
(reading) "Dear diary, I'm really happy to be out of my aunt's house and living on my own".
SABRINA
(hurt) You're reading my diary?
ROXIE
I'm trying too, but it's hard to stay awake. You have an exceptionally dull life.
SABRINA
Let me guess. I read your diary, so you're reading mine and you're trying to even the score.
ROXIE
Unless this gets a lot better, we're nowhere near even.
SABRINA
It doesn't, trust me. (snatches the diary from Roxie) Nothing out of the ordinary ever happens to me. Look, Roxie, I'm really sorry. I never should've invaded your privacy.
ROXIE
All I can say is, if you ever mention September 15th to anybody, you're dead. (turns back to their room)
SABRINA (calling after her)
It's as if I never read it!
***
Sabrina walks out onto the front porch to find Miles on the ground untangling his cables from the meteor shower. Sabrina squats down beside him.
SABRINA
Miles, um, I don't know what I did to you, but I'm sorry.
MILES
"Sorry" doesn't cut it. When you unplugged my equipment, I missed the best part of the meteor shower. And there won't be another one like it for 129 years.
SABRINA (slowly standing)
Oh, I don't know about that, you know. Sometimes those people are a little off with their calculations. (pings at the sky) Look!
Miles stands beside Sabrina and they both look up to watch as three meteors fall down from the sky.
MILES
I can't believe it! I gotta' get back up on the roof and film this. (turns back to his cables)
SABRINA (sing-song to her finger)
We're back.
***
The following morning, at the coffeehouse, Sabrina approaches Josh, who is going over to clean up the mess left by some customers at a table.
SABRINA
Hey, Josh, I just want to apologize for last night.
JOSH
For what?
SABRINA
I'm afraid I was sending you mixed messages.
JOSH
I think the message was clear to both of us.
SABRINA
Yeah, I think so too. So, what was the message you got?
JOSH
I don't know...the date, the kiss, everything, it just didn't feel right. I mean, it was just me, was it? (turning briefly away)
SABRINA
No, it wasn't just you, and it definitely wasn't me.
JOSH
(turning back to Sabrina) I think your first instinct was right on the money. We should just be friends.
SABRINA
Yeah, friends are a good. You know, you can't have too many friends. So, friends.
Sabrina and Josh shake hands. Josh walks off.
SABRINA (to herself; hurt)
Just what I need, another friend.
***
Sabrina is sitting at the table in the kitchen at the Spellman's, while Hilda and Zelda pace around her. Salem is lying in front of Sabrina.
ZELDA
Mother's maiden name?
SABRINA
Becker.
HILDA
Favourite dessert that doesn't involve chocolate?
SABRINA
There isn't one. How long is this gonna' go on?
ZELDA
Until we make absolutely sure that you are the real Sabrina. (she and Hilda lean down on the table)
HILDA
Say: woo-hoo.
SABRINA
Woo-hoo!
Hilda and Zelda's face look relieved and satisfied as they step back, but Salem is thinking the opposite.
SALEM
Imposter! Je'accuse!
SABRINA
Back off, fur-ball, or I'm gonna' tell Aunt Zelda about the time I caught you in her lingerie draw trying on her lace-red...
SALEM (cutting Sabrina off)
It's Sabrina!
Hilda and Zelda laugh, as Sabrina gives a triumphant grin and nod.
***
END CREDITS
***
Based on characters appearing in ARCHIE COMICS
Episode originally written by Ruth Bennett
